Thoughts From a Hopeless Romantic

August 17, 2015

I am a sucker for all things love and romance. Quite a few - and probably more than I'd like to admit - of my lazy days have consisted of scrounging through Pinterest pinning beautiful quotes about love or poring over every single detail on every single pin on wedding boards. I'm that girl who has a playlist of love songs for every and any occasion - and even have my wedding first dance song all sorted out. I'm that girl who watches sappy romance movies and wedding highlight films for fun and unabashedly cries all throughout it's duration. If you're side-eying me right about now, it's okay; sometimes I'll stop myself mid-sniffle and think, "Michelle, pull yourself together."

What can I say? There's just something so touching about finding someone who you were meant to be with; someone knows you fully - inside and out; someone who sees all of your quirks and shortcomings and loves you regardless. 

Needless to say, my job as a wedding cinematography editor is a perfect fit for someone like me; I get to spend hours watching footage on everything from the bride getting ready to the reception and turn it into something that perfectly encapsulates what was probably the best day of the bride and groom's lives. There's something so magical and humbling about being privy to such an intimate moment in the lives of complete strangers; I often come away from each project feeling like I know the couple and their family and friends. And yes, I do get teary-eyed even while editing - much to the amusement of my boss.

However, while I love seeing love and romance blossom around me, my own love life most certainly has not been as beautiful. I've exhausted myself on relationships that I knew were - if I'm being brutally honest here - a waste, a black hole: draining all of my time, energy, and emotions. I spent a good number of years chasing after people, trying to make them fit even though they refused to and all for what? Just to not feel alone for a bit of time? Sadly, yes. 

I was driving home from work the other day when these memories of failed past relationships escaped my Pandora's box and tears started coming down. I found myself asking God, "Will my life ever be like the couples in the videos I edit? Will I ever find someone out there who will make an effort? Someone who will love me completely and unconditionally? Is he even out there?". 

And all of a sudden, a quote I saw once popped into my mind: "but to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God" and I stopped crying out of self-pity and sadness but now out of happiness. I realized that I had been looking around, instead of up for true love. Romans 5:8 says that we are more loved than we will ever know by someone who died to know us. Nobody has ever loved or will love me the way my heavenly Father does. There is absolutely nothing I can do that will make Him love me any less.  

Photo Credit: Pinterest

There are still times where I feel discouraged and sad upon seeing a cute couple or watching a romance movie and wonder if God actually has someone planned for me. But I just take heart in knowing that He has an amazing life planned out for me and that whether or not my future husband is out there, His love for me is more than enough. There's a song I heard while editing a video called "Love never fails" by Brandon Heath that I think perfectly describes what true love, the love God has for us, is. No earthly romance can compare to the one we have with Jesus; our love story with Him far trumps even the most beautiful wedding video. 

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